Birth Story: The Difference

Monday: why we chose to plan a home birth. Yesterday: the birth story.

Peanut was born in Haarlem, in the Netherlands; Pumpkin in Chicago, in the United States. Both have dual citizenship. He's kind of fair, like his father. She's kind of dark, like her mother. We're all perfectly balanced out in a silly story book kind of way. I love that our dual-nationality family has one child born in each country. We didn't plan it that way, but it happened and it's nifty.

It means that we did a pregnancy in the Netherlands and one in the United States. Can two countries be much farther apart? The US has a C-Section rate approaching 35%. In the Netherlands, most women go to a midwife unless they have a high-risk pregnancy. Perhaps most importantly, these countries see each other as opposite ends of the spectrum. In the US, a number of natural birth advocates were thrilled to hear I had given birth in the Netherlands. This is in part due to the fact that people like Ina May Gaskin often refer to the Netherlands as the golden land of natural child birth. In the Netherlands, people assume that birth in the US is all epidurals and scheduled C-sections. Neither is entirely true, and neither is entirely wrong. But the differences are far more nuanced

When I was pregnant with Peanut, I went to the local midwives. They took good care of me. It was a practice with six ladies and they were all nice to talk to. My visits were brief – they checked my blood pressure, felt the baby, measured my belly, listened for a heart tone, asked me how things were going, and sent me on my way. I met all but one of the women in the practice. They were patient with my questions and concerns concerning the birth. It was nice.

We elected to have a midwife assisted hospital birth (in the Netherlands, if you are low risk, you can choose whether you want a home birth or a hospital birth) and it was fine. We had a large, well furnished room to ourselves. Everything was there for the baby and husband to stay in the room. The room has double doors (a door, a hall, a second door) for privacy. The lighting was adjustable from low to operating room bright. There was even a refrigerator (for champagne, of course).

During the birth, we were assigned one nurse. She was the only person aside from our midwife who came into the room. When her shift ended, the next nurse took over. We ended up seeing an OB/Gyn at the very end because Peanut ended up being a vacuum-assisted birth, but they way they transformed the room was amazing – apparatus and people rolled in, Peanut was born, and everything went away – all within about half an hour. We ended up staying for 24 hours as a result, but we could all stay and sleep in the room together.

All of this sounds and was lovely, but I'm one of those women who want a natural birth. I was in the hospital, so when we needed the doctor, it was easy. But it's not all beautiful bellies and happy mamas over here. For instance, about half of all home births (for first time mothers) end up in the hospital. That usually means a transport to the hospital in a later stage of labor. If you haven't been in a Dutch house lately – the stairs are often as steep as ladders. Sometimes people are lowered out of windows because a stretcher can't go up and down the stairs. Imagine that.

Up until about three years ago, pain relief in the form of an epidural was not guaranteed. If a laboring woman requested pain relief outside of office hours (Monday through Friday, 9-5), it was at the anesthesiologist's discretion. Why interrupt a family meal or a good night sleep because some woman can't manage her birth pain? This has changed, thank goodness. But back when Peanut was born, I knew one woman who went home to Germany for her birth because she was afraid of not being able to get pain relief. There is a lot of support here for breastfeeding moms, but I've also heard women refer to the breastfeeding mafia – the pressure to breastfeed, whether you want to or not. Most women start, but not many keep it up.

There's also an ongoing debate between midwives and gynecologists over who should be in charge. Midwives aren't always eager to take their laboring mothers to the hospital and I've heard such transfers referred to as regrettable as opposed to necessary. I think it has to do with payments and power, but I'm not sure about the details there.

On the other hand, in the United States, pregnancy and birth are basically in the hands of doctors. This thanks in part to the insurance companies for reasons maybe someone can explain to me because it makes no sense. There's a clear (statistical) tendency towards more intervention and more pain treatment. Women are the objects of a birth, not necessarily the actors. In other words, birth is seen as something that happens to women, not something that women do. Instead of a process, it is an inconvenience between the rose-colored pregnancy and baby shower stage and the rose-colored new mother stage (neither of which are rose-colored, but the cupcakes might be).

If you decide that you do want a midwife or a birth center, the resources are out there. It takes more work on the mother-to-be's part (and partner), but it is possible. If you decide on a home birth, you may have your fair share of “what on earth are you thinking” conversations, as well. It's making a statement to choose for a home birth. The advantage here is that midwives who choose to offer their services to support home births (at least the ones I met) are very dedicated to their work, in part because their work is part cause.

So there are some of my thoughts. I'm curious to know about what birth is like in other countries or cultures. And how closely my observations match the experiences of other mamas. Do tell!

Birth Story: The Birth

Yesterday: why we chose to plan a home birth.

My midwife, Midwife S, took me on despite the fact that she had been planning vacation time for herself. She was out of town for two weekends right around my due date, but had a back up midwife and general practitioner lined up.

I went into labor on a Monday while Midwife S was out of town. By 9 am, Midwife M, who was Midwife S's assistant, was at our house, along with Midwife #3 (to assist), Dr. W (a general practitioner, required by Illinois state law if the attending midwife is not a certified nurse), and Dr. #2 (a young general practitioner who wanted to attend home deliveries) were at our house. In case you're having a hard time with the parentheses, that's two midwives and two general practitioners at our house, all for me and Pumpkin.

That morning, Peanut and his grandma went to music class. Someone cooked eggs for the group. The doctors read through our stack of New York Times newspapers. Midwife S, started driving back from her weekend away. Midwife #3 left. Dr. W left. Midwife S arrived with daughter in tow. Peanut and grandma got home, and it was two midwives, a general practitioner, and one nice young lady that stayed until the birth.

I remember a few special moments of the birth particularly clearly – like Peanut holding my hand through a contraction, and then going back to the living room to play. I remember a husband watching, waiting, holding, encouraging. She arrived at six in the evening, just as the sun was going down. Moments later, Peanut walked in the room and said, “That's the baby from inside your belly,” and fell in love with his little sister. We all did.

Pumpkin's birth at home was a wonderful experience. It's hard to articulate what made it so special. Those moments with Peanut probably sum it up. The birth of a child is a moment when the mundane meets the sublime. The physicality is overwhelming and the magic of a life is incomprehensible. And it happens every day in every place – including our apartment in Chicago one day last March.

Tomorrow: pregnancy and birth in the USA vs. in the Netherlands.

Birth Story: The Choice

37 weeks pregnant and looking for a midwife – that was me this spring. This is the story of how we ended up having a planned home birth in Chicago. A home birth was never part of the master plan. My prenatal care was at a university hospital with a fine OB/GYN. We lived close by (perhaps even laboring walking distance). Insurance would cover a hospital birth. But it gradually became clear that a hospital birth wasn't going to work for me.

I arrived in Chicago early in my pregnancy and went to all my prenatal appointments at the hospital. It was my second pregnancy. My first pregnancy and the birth of Peanut all took place in the Netherlands under the care of a midwife – except for the last 15 minutes, but that's another story. The appointments in the Netherlands were friendly and decidedly non-invasive.

The hospital approach was more medical (no surprise there), but that was OK. Sometimes it made me giggle. Before every appointment, I had to fill out a form that included two questions (1) are you pregnant? (2) what was the date of your last period. I had to pee in a cup every time. Except the one time I went to the toilet and forgot to fill the cup. Oops.

As my due date neared, I began asking questions about the birth. Questions like, will I be allowed to eat? How do you feel about me laboring in the bathroom? Will I be able to move around? The answers were not encouraging. Popsicles were fine, I would have to ask permission, and only if I happened to be in one of the two rooms with a cordless monitor.

It also became apparent that some policies were not up for negotiation at all. A fetal monitor was mandatory. Intermittent or cordless monitoring might be an option, but that would all have to be discussed on the day of delivery. Triage would take up to an hour and a half, during which time I would be expected to stay on a monitor. A heplock (an IV starter in my hand) was mandatory. They also expected me and required the baby to stay in the hospital for 48 hours.

Where I had hoped we would be able to negotiate the circumstances surrounding the birth, it became clear that it wasn't going to work out the way I hoped. So I did what I always do – I went on-line. I googled midwives in Chicago. I checked in on a couple of forum, posted questions and got really lovely, caring responses.

In the end, I met with a midwife and liked her. She was patient, curious, flexible, and didn't mind any of my questions. That's something, considering my first question was something like, “who cleans up?” When I walked out the door, it was with a good feeling. When I got in the car with Peanut and pulled out, I knew for sure. I wanted this home birth. It was important. It was right.

Tomorrow: the birth story.

Sling story

I have wanted a ring sling for a long time. We've gotten plenty of good use out of our wrap and Ergo carrier, but neither of them are particularly good for either quick on and off or putting a sleeping baby down. I've been following Danielle's blog closely and between her sling post and some encouraging emails (thank you!), she got me on track. Here's the finished product:

It's made from a mid-weight linen. After sorting through lots of options, I decided on the "floating ring" option. I like the fact that it gives a padded shoulder without having to use any additional materials. The shoulder seam (this closes the ring pouch) has three lines of stitching. Sewing this seam through six layers of fabric went better than I expected, except for the part where my bobbin ran out of thread in the middle. It would be nice to have a fancier stitch, but this works just fine.

As for using the sling, it's working out well. Pumpkin seems comfortable and it is particularly nice for nursing. The linen will be light weight for the summer, which was also part of the master plan. I will try to add a complimentary pocket eventually for carrying cash and keys. Laying sleeping Pumpkin down hasn't worked out yet, but that will hopefully change as she gets older.

The New Guilt

As if motherhood doesn't come with enough guilt - now I get to add the guilt of gleefully emailing our friends about Pumpkin's arrival and then failing to actually post pictures. Sigh. Well, our favorites these days are the "laying on the floor" pictures.

900 days old and 12 days old

"Cutsie expressions" are also popular.

19 days old

We also have the "laying on bed" theme.

22 days old

A Reason

For some reason...

...there isn't a lot of blogging going on around here, or much of anything else for that matter. I've got grand plans and plenty 'o pictures waiting to be loaded onto computer and then to blog. But, everything is in a holding pattern for now. Our little lady is quite the hungry one. She lets us sleep three or four hours at a stretch some nights, but during the day, she prefers to nurse about every 90 minutes. I'm not a fan of one handed typing (although if we keep this up much longer, I might be induced to learn to like it), so I've been holding off on typing. Hopefully, that excuse will be read be the many friends who have emailed congratulations that are languishing unacknowledged in my inbox.

The good news is that our newest addition is doing quite well. She's almost back to her birth weight (8lbs) and a proficient pooper, We are so proud. Perhaps the most delightful development is Peanut's amazing fascination and affection for his little sister. He loves to just look at her when she's laying down. He always wants to know where she is and holds her or her hand as much as he can get away with. He's picked her up on his own a couple times. That's a heart attack for Mama, but she doesn't seem to mind - much. I'm not sure what kind of reaction I expected,but this one has been amazing. I wonder how this relationship will develop in the days, weeks, months, even years to come.

Friday Moment

How about one of those pictures that usually doesn't make it for public viewing?

No infants (or toddlers) were hurt in the production of this image.

Inspired by this.

What we're doing

We're settling in to a bit of a routine here. That would be the diaper, nurse, sleep, nurse, nurse, sleep, diaper routine. Things are relatively laid back thanks to an incredible help in Grandma. She's our hero. Here are some pictures for your entertainment!

Peanut participating in a midwife home visit.

Our first outing - to the hospital for a blood test (ick).

Just being gorgeous.

Arrival

We'll call her Pumpkin!

Slinging good times

With Peanut, baby carrying seemed like a bit of an exotic thing to try. With Pumpkin on the way - it feels more like a necessity, a common sense way to deal with baby needs and adult needs at the same time. I went ahead and made a sling for myself using two different on-line tutorials. Pictures of that will wait until there's an appropriate model, though. I wanted to make one for Peanut as well and lucky for me, Danielle did it first and kindly let me know what size to cut for Peanut. It's a nice, quick project and Peanut enjoys wearing it with "mouse." Yes, he has no idea who Mickey is and is certainly in for a surprise. What I love about him and the sling, though, is that he seems to get it. He puts it on, carries mouse, and just does what he wants to do.

He's also found that the sling itself can be quite useful - for, say, transporting cars. It's going to be fun if we get to go out with our matching slings one day. It's going to be a hoot!

Over due

No baby yet. Most of you can stop reading now. The rest of you - I subject to another project post. Seeing as how all I can do right now is count days (we're at 40+2 today), calendars seem just right.

For the past three years, we have been totally addicted to a perfect refrigerator-sized calendar from Granit, a Swedish paper-goods/lifestyle store with outlets in Norway as well. It's a full year on one page and we've gotten quite used to it - although not particularly good at our days of the week in Swedish. Now that we're not visiting Oslo regularly, where my friend lives around the corner from the store, we were forced to find an alternative. Here it is.

This was inspired by the one issue of Martha Stewart Living that I picked up this year, in which they featured the post-it calendar. It was fun to put together using some painter's tape and I like the big format on our kitchen wall. I miss having the whole year to look at, but down on the bottom right, I put three post-its for upcoming months so we have an idea about what's coming up.

It's not an ideal solution. The March calendar should go up today, but will probably take me a week to get around to. But, for a temporary place, it's a good temporary solution. As for next year - we'll have to see about visiting Oslo again or requesting help from our personal shopper!

Waiting

No baby yet.

Waiting, patiently (sometimes). Ready. Excited. Nervous. Sleepless already. Distracted. Wandering.

Saturday is our due date. It's like having everything ready before a dinner party and the guests are 15 minutes late. What do you do with those last 15 minutes? You can't sit still, there's nothing left to do, and time stretches into infinity.

Sigh.

Spring Surprise Sweater

We are actually expecting an addition to our family this month. January was the month of preparations and one of the nicest parts was making a baby's first sweater (Peanut had one, too).

It's a super simple raglan cardigan using this pattern by Carole Barenys. Of course, only now that I'm blogging to I realize she has her own website. Anyway, it's knit up with Knitpicks Andean Treasure, which feels so very soft and nice. It was a bit bulkier than the pattern called for, so despite making a newborn size, it's probably closer to a 3 month size. No problem, then we'll get more than two weeks wear out of it! It's been blocked since this picture and there are also finally some buttons in the house for it, so it will actually be a finished sweater by the time Pumpkin arrives!

A Sick Day

Last week, we had a sick day. It started with getting sick in our bed at 4am and was followed by a day of fever and sleepiness. It's our first sick day in nearly a year, which is pretty amazing for a little poop. It's ancient history now and we're back to full energy, silliness, and a new game: fort building!

Cloth diapers

Caution: very long baby-oriented post below. Contains the word "poop," more than once.

Long before my son was born, I had decided to cloth diaper him. Luckily, my husband is a willing victim in many of my "let's try something rather inconvenient and messy" undertakings and went along with it. The cloth diaper journey has not been without bumps (usually of the stinky/damp/generally gross kind) in the road, but overall, I'm pleased we made the choice. At the very least, our peanut isn't starting out in life by making a much-larger-than-peanuts sized contribution to our family trash production.

One of the problems I encountered when trying to get ready for cloth diapering was either a dearth of information or the opposite - so much detailed information that I couldn't wrap my head around it. So, when my friend started asking me serious questions about cloth diapering this weekend, I wrote her an email about some of the basics. Then, I realized it would be nice to share, so here is an edited version for the public!

I learned a lot about cloth diapers from the Green Mountain Diapers information site. I find the prices a bit high and the writing over the top wordy, but there is a lot of good information there and lots of pictures of babies in diapers and explanations that were helpful for someone who had never seen the real thing.

I buy most of my diaper stuff from Jillian's Drawers. They have a nifty trial package that you can use for 21 days, return, and then get all but $10 of your money refunded. The bigger size is probably a better deal since babies tend to grow out of the newborn sizes within a month or two if not weeks.
Probably best website out there for diapering information, product reviews, and forums is The Diaper Pin.

Some basics that it took me a while to figure out.

Two basic approaches: diaper + cover OR all-in-ones (AIOs)

All-in-ones are what they sound like, it's one piece, you velcro or snap it on and you're done. The whole thing goes in the wash. New diaper is a clean all-in-one. Variations here are on how they add extra absorbency (inserts or pockets for stuffing) and sizing. Some have snaps for adjusting the rise (think length of diaper when it's laying flat) for different size babies. They're a bit expensive, but the most convenient option. I have three Organic Dream-eze now that I put on peanut when we send him to daycare. They leak more than the others, but I'm convinced they would do much better if they were going in the dryer instead drying on the line where they get pretty stiff. They are a really soft material on the outside and it has a hard time keeping the stiff cotton in place.

A diaper + cover system means you have the absorbent diaper on the inside and a water-proof cover on the outside. The diaper soaks up urine and catches poo. These go into the wash with every change. Covers keep clothes from getting wet and catch anything that doesn't stay in the diaper (poo, unfortunately). They go into the wash as needed - when they smell or are poopy. Our get washed once a week or so each (we have 5 now). We have gone through I think four sizes (xs/s/m/l) and between 3 and six per size. By far the family favorite is Thristies.

Diapers (for diaper + cover) come in two basic formats: flats and fitted. Flats are what we use with peanut. Essentially one flat piece with several (6-8) layers of material in the center third. You can fold them any of half a dozen ways depending on baby size, poo problems, cover size, etc. They are held on with a Snappi, which is essentially a three armed stretchy plastic clip that grabs the diaper at each hip and in the crotch to keep it from popping open. He has gone through three sizes of flats so far with us buying 36/24/24 of each size. Our flats are Cloth-eez Prefold Diapers from Green Mountain Diapers and we have orange, yellow, and now brown edged sizes. Prefold refers not to the fact that you do not have to fold them but to the fact that they are already folded to be thicker in the center before you fold them again! Whew. That's a lot of folding.

Fitted diapers look like all-in-ones or disposable diapers. They are shaped to fit without folding and held in place with either a snappy or velcro or snaps. They do all the soaking (sometimes also have elastic around the legs) and are covered with a diaper cover. Again, an easier option than flats.

Flats plus diaper cover is probably the most basic and cheapest way to do it, but not the easiest. They are also the most difficult to get other folks to use as the whole diaper folding ordeal is a bit intimidating.

Hopefully, this will be helpful for anyone who's thinking about cloth diapers and not sure how to approach the undertaking. My big question for anyone with experience would be this: does line versus dryer drying make a difference for effectiveness or fit?

Mama day

I just finished whipping up a double batch of homemade deodorant following this simple recipe. Over the past few years, I've been slowly working towards a more natural lifestyle and the deodorant was another step in the right direction. I made some for myself about a month ago and am very happy with it. Works better than my old bar and only has four ingredients: corn starch, arrowroot powder, coconut oil, and a dash of vitamin E. I still sweat, but don't stink, not even after a 45 minute bike ride. So, one jar will be a potentially grossly inappropriate gift and the other is for a friend who'd like to try. Can't wait to hear what they think of it.

Today's a mama day. I work four days a week and have one at home with Peanut. We try to keep our weekends free for family fun (this week we're going to Brimingham, UK), so that means that Fridays are busy. We do a couple loads of laundry, change sheets, get groceries, and cook a good meal (with leftovers for the freezer). There's also usually a project in there like deodorant today.

Sometimes I feel bad that we don't do kiddy fun stuff - parks, pool, outings - but there just isn't time right now. Then I try to remind myself that despite having a mama who works four days a week, Peanut eats only homemade food, usually wears pants made by mama, and even plays with toys made by mama. Going to the park sounds great, but if it had to be at the expense of homemade meals, I think we'll pass for now. He won't remember the park, but his body is thriving on the good food and he's learning to appreciate all kinds of tastes. Besides, does this look like an unhappy child?



I think that me and the happy Peanut will be OK in the backyard for now.

Peanut Pants on Parade

Three pair of pants and three stories. These were Peanut's summer pants and he got great wear out of them. I was inspired this post over at SouleMama to make some light summer pants and they came out great. I used a pattern from Knippie, a Dutch sewing magazine. I love the detail in this pattern, especially the panel on the back, which gives the pants a tailored look.



The linen pair is my favorite and a real crowd pleaser (although that was probably the model more than the pants). I'm pretty hooked on this sturdy linen from IKEA, which has also featured here and here. They washed nice and soft. The patches are quilting material from my stash. I learned a lesson about the different qualities of cotton out there. The green is quite thin and the yellow nice and thick. Will be more careful when I buy material next time.

The blue aloha pants are from material that my sister sent me when she was living in Hawaii. We went to her wedding this summer and it seemed only appropriate that Peanut wear something that celebrated the place where she and her husband met and fell in love.



The bottom pair were specially made wedding pants using material recovered from a pair of thrift store pants. I was trying to go for a cute, classic look without getting into wool. These had a bit of stretch that made them easier to get over that cloth diaper bum, too.

All in all, the "make pants for peanut" summer project was a huge success. These were favored over all others in his wardrobe. I'm sad that the pattern isn't any bigger and that I'm not ready for pattern size changing on my own yet (but maybe someday soon). We're retiring them now, which means it's time to think about winter pants!

Breastfeeding and nationality

I had a most interesting exchange with a fellow customer while breastfeeding my son at a Target in Durham, North Carolina. I was sitting in the cafeteria area and this woman spoke to me as she exited the store with her cart full of purchases.

Customer: There are places in the restroom where you can do that, you know. There are a lot of kids running around here and they might get the wrong idea.

Me: Well, then this is a nice way for them to learn.

Customer: You must not be an American citizen, because if you were, you would know better. (walks away)

I'm supposed to feed my child in a bathroom? Is she going to eat in the bathroom? In the land of cup holders, doesn't it make sense that babies should be able to drink in public, too? And another thing, what kind of wrong idea are kids going to get if they see a woman breastfeeding? Might they learn that babies can be nourished by their mother's milk? Shocking. As for the American citizen part, it's just crazy. It suggests that all American citizens subscribe to one set of values. This is the same mentality that leads to an integration course of the Dutch variety. In this instance, it also gave me plenty of fodder for jokes. For instance, "I'm an American, but my son is half-dutch. That must be the part of him that decided to get hungry in public."

Prior to leaving for my holiday visit in the US, I worried about receiving negative comments about breastfeeding in public. This exchange happened a couple days before we left and the day after my husband mentioned that my worrying seemed to have been unfounded. What a disappointment. On the other hand, it has convinced me that I'm going to keep on doing what I do. Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world. If anyone sees the lady from the Target, thank her for me. She helped me realize how important breastfeeding is to me and has given me a story to share at dinner parties for years to come.

Still Stitching

I've been busy with Peanut care for the past few weeks, but still managing to keep my hands busy. This little personalization project made for a cute gift for a friend who's just had a baby girl. They're everywhere, these cute little bundles arriving in the big wild world! The idea is borrowed from a crafty neighbor of mine who gave us a shirt with felt applique for our Peanut. I liked the idea of doing the name, though. This was a second baby and it's always hard to figure out what to give them that parents won't already have!



This big old shirt was the starting point for another project. It was given to me as a work "gift" a long time ago. Aside from the style (not me), it's also an extra large. It's safe to say that even the day before I gave birth, this would have been way too big! When I got it out I realized that instead of cutting out the regular pattern, those arms could be useful...



And they were! I cut the arms off as close to the body as I could. Then, I used a pattern for baby pants to figure out how much to cut out for the center seam. That was a combination of guessing and guidance. But it worked out well...



Voila, a second pair of pants (sans elastic here). The red pair I made from a knit tank top that I never wore. This is a great way to recycle clothes that are never going to be worn but are still in good shape. I tried the same with my favorite pajama pants. They got made into a baby romper. Unfortunately, the material is very worn out from being my favorite, so it's already tearing at the snaps and not holding much shape, either. Lesson learned.

Holidays are coming!

So, here's a nifty Thanksgiving craft I won't be attempting. But I have noticed that the holiday decorations are going up around town and blog posts are starting to be about preparing gifts. Due to some recent changes in my life, there won't be a whole lot of crafting going on in the near future, but Thanksgiving in Haarlem will be celebrated - with the help of friends, of course!

Which reminds me... must start organizing!

As for adjusting to a new pattern in life, today's been action-filled already, and it's only 11:30! Let's just say that when an infant vomits, it's sad and a mess. When they vomit in their sling while you're wearing it with said infant lying down, it's a messy puddle being rapidly absorbed by crucial fabric soothing aid. One bath and two loads of laundry later, I think I'm going to go finish my now-ice-cold latte. Yum.